Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
