Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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