he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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