I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
