So drunk its hurt
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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