i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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