You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
