Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
