I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
