awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
