remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
