TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
