I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
