so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
