Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
