If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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