That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
