I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
