She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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