two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
