it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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