There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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