somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
