Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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