I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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