I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
