last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
