Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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