U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
