they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
