so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
