i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
