I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
