you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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