Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
