i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
