OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
