I accidentally had phone sex last night
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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