those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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