9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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