i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
