My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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