Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
