sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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