There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The best revenge is premature balding
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
