He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
