Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
