i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
