I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
