I wish I could punch you in the face.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Still dying that you shit outside
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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