so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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