Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
