Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
