planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
