U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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