Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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